Today is my 26th birthday. I feel the same as I always do on my birthday. A little anxious. A little sad. Incredibly attention starved.
I normally spend this day thinking about what I learned in the last year. But when I woke up, all I could think about was how much I didn't learn. Or rather, how many things I'm holding on to. How many things are holding me back. Here's the list of preoccupations I'm letting go of in my 26th year:
- I have this memory of secretly letting my sister's Iguana off of its leash, and it never coming back. Did that really happen? Was I monster? Am I still?
- The %n trick was mean.
- Why did I spend so much of 2009 watching boys play video games? That sucked so bad!
- And you know what else sucked so bad? Every year of elementary school my teachers made me apply for gifted and talented, and every year I didn't get in!
- Once I was at a sleepover and borrowed a cordless phone and dialed RadioDisney over and over for an hour. When I finally got through, I asked them to play The Way You Make Me Feel. They never did! And then everyone at the party thought I lied!
- Speaking of Radio Disney, I can't believe Sophia F got to burp live on the air. And I can't believe she didn't make a bigger deal about it afterwards. I was on a British radio station last year because I accidentally went viral and I find a reason to bring it up every day, if I can. Now, for example. Maybe this should also be number 7.
- See above.
- For a long time I hated Taylor Swift and everyone thought I was dramatic. Now everyone is on board too and I don't hate her as much! Maybe she deserves a second chance!
- I'm a contrarian. I always have been. It's so dumb. It's definitely why I am reconsidering my opinion of Taylor Swift and It's also definitely why I've never seen the movie Up. I'm gonna work on it, I guess.
- I cannot believe I let someone cut bangs on me in 2005 and then kept cutting bangs on me for 3 years.
- In 12th grade, this mean girl told me I had a mustache, so I got it waxed. The wax burned me, and then I had a burn mustache, which is MUCH worse. I think about it a lot.
- I should have gone out more in college.
- In second grade, my mom got me this sweet blue suede pearl snap from Limited Too and I lost it. I miss that shirt still.
- I am really funny, and I should have more twitter followers, and I am bitter.
- I have this recurring nightmare that I take out my retainer, and all my teeth are attached to it instead of my mouth. And then I go find my mom, who is waiting in a very long line, and she gets angry at me for losing my teeth.
- I still have my blankie from when I was a child. It's a torn up piece of a twin sized sheet. What am I supposed to do with this as I get even older? I can't get rid of it. Should I put it in a shadow box? Is that even weirder?
- I have a constant fear that someone is going to ask me to fill in a map of the United States, and I won't be able to, and it'll ruin me. I tried to learn all the states! Missouri just will! Not! Stick!
- I think I'm done trying to like Tomatoes
- I have weird toes. They're super tiny and sorta cartoony. 26 is the year I stop apologizing for my tiny nails when I get a pedicure.
- Humpty Dumpty is a children's story about a man falling to his death. Wtf?
I wanted to get to 26 things, but the premise of this list is already so tenuous that I couldn't do it. Maybe I'll update throughout the year. Probably I won't. Regardless, happy birthday to me. I hope my 26th year is carefree as hell.