I've never been into Instagram. I post every few weeks to keep up appearances, of course. I recognize the importance of maintaining an idealized image of my life, in case anyone from high school is wondering how I'm doing. I look great, everyone! I'm incredibly successful and I'm getting younger/thinner by the day!
But aside from the occasional photo of myself or this one photo of a wolf that I post every few Throwback Thursdays if I remember, Instagram has largely eluded me. I'm always hearing about communities that have sprung up through the app, and reading about real-life relationships Instagram has helped foster. But if there's an Instagram community out there for me, I've yet to find it. My "explore" page thinks I'm a teenager. All it shows me is photos of the girls from Dance Moms and promposals. Sometimes I get a pitbull puppy, and I welcome it happily, but even that isn't quite "me."
So here are some Instagram communities that I'd like to join. If you're out there, please find me @kellyefine.
- #OneTattoo: I follow dozens of tattoo artists, but I only have the one tattoo so far, and I still have some anxiety about it, and I would love some support while I consider getting another.
- #TooLateToTumblr: I would enjoy screenshots of Tumblr's "Best Of" posts. I am too old and too late to really cultivate a good Tumblr account, but I love to consume content!
- #UnstylishButTrying: This would just be people that are wearing very basic combinations of very basic staple articles of clothing that I also own, so that I can learn to wear more than just 6 outfits on a rotation.
- #WePreferTwitter: People can share their favorite people to follow on Twitter. It's sort of like what The Fat Jewish does, except we wouldn't steal people's jokes and then get a book deal. Didn't he also make a brand of rosé?
- #IHateToCook: This would be like Tasty videos, but with realistic images of the food and like 1/4 of the ingredients and it would all be tailored to my exact dietary restrictions, which are mostly that I can't eat lactose and I don't like things that are vinegar-y or tomatoes or shrimp because they have gross textures.
- #FitnessOrNot,EitherIsFine: Imagine a supportive community of women saying hey, you know what, you CAN go to the gym! Maybe you even should! But if you can only really handle half of one of those 28-minute Kayla Itsines workouts, that counts! If you totally meant to go to kickboxing but then you accidentally sat down on your bed and it was all over from there, we're here for you, sister. It's like if the #FitFam had fewer abs and more excuses!
- #Aestheticless: This community would either help me find and embrace an aesthetic, both on and offline, or help me live a full life secure in the knowledge that I can survive and maybe even thrive without one.
- #MediocreEyebrows: I don't WANT to spend 15 minutes filling in my eyebrows! Show off your naturally subpar brows, people of instagram! Be off-fleek and proud!!!