Moving On Up (Nothing Can Stop Me)

After 4 years and 4 states, Nathan and I are moving in together. We're making the leap. Taking the plunge. I tried to think of a third idiom to include here because I like lists of three, but I couldn't think of one. 

As exciting as it is to take the next step in my relationship (oh, there's that last idiom), it's also really anxiety-inducing. But my foremost concern hasn't really been cohabitation. It's been cost. Moving is EXPENSIVE.

There's the upfront costs, like the application fee, first/last month's rent and security deposit. I was prepared for that. But then there's the cost of literally everything you need for an apartment. We don't have anything. No bed. No couch. No pots or pans or plates. We're moving into a completely empty apartment and unpacking...a bunch of clothes, mostly.

So to help me collect all my thoughts, I made this list of the absolute necessities that I need to buy, and how much they cost. Or rather, much I assume they cost, because I'm not doing any research. Share in this anxiety with me!

THE ABSOLUTE NECESSITIES, JUST THE NECESSITIES, YOU NEED BEFORE COHABITATING:

  1. A bed and a mattress. If one of you is very tall (say, for example, 6'3"), you need a queen size bed. It's not indulgent. It's necessary. $1000?
  2. A couch. If you plan to ever have a guest and you are moving into a one bedroom, make it a sofa bed. $600?
  3. A microwave, if your apartment didn't come with one and you suck at making rice so you always just buy the Uncle Ben's microwave bags. $50?
  4. Cookware. Nothing fancy, probably all nonstick because they'll come in a set. You're going to be stingy with this purchase despite all warnings. $60?
  5. Plates, bowls, cups, silverware. How many of each of these things do you need? Like a 12 piece set? There are only 2 of you? $50? 
  6. A dresser. Maybe even 2 dressers, if you're a hoarder. Which you are. $100-200?
  7. A pretty area rug, if you can ever agree on something you both like. $1,200,000. Have you ever shopped for a rug? They're outrageous.
  8. This vegetable chopper thing where you just pull a string and it chops everything in a little cup! My friend has this and it's very cool and seems at least as important and necessary as anything else on this list so far. $11.
  9. A wine aerator that you put on top of a bottle of red wine so air flows through it while you pour and your $12 bottle tastes like a $100 bottle, according to the amazon reviews. $7. Plus a bottle of wine ($12)
  10. Fake plants because you like greenery but you kill everything you touch, even succulents which are supposed to be sturdy but aren't. Succulents are a lie. $60?
  11. A custom neon sign for the wall. How cool is that? So cool. $300?
  12. Lightbulbs that talk to your Google Home so you can say "okay google, make the room purple." $199.
  13. Hermit crabs from a mall kiosk. A home isn't a home without a pet! But city pets are sad, and you don't have to walk a hermit crab. $20? 
  14. A set of three (3) garden gnomes doing yoga. I was looking at the Nordstrom website hoping to find something stupid like that rock in a leather pouch they sold for $85, but then I found these. I didn't even know I was missing them from my life! But I was! $90
  15. A bookshelf with a secret room behind it, for if you ever need to hide/just want a quiet place to get away from it all, you know? 

That last one only costs like $2000 if we use an existing door! A bargain. So since all of these items are of equal importance and utility to me, I guess I'll see y'all on the other side of $1,204,659!