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People are sometimes surprised to learn that despite my distaste for crowds and loud noises, I’m actually kind of into Texas football. I’m not going to Dallas for the game this year, but I’ll absolutely be watching from the comfort of my bedroom and I’ll absolutely be drinking margaritas. We might not win (read: we won’t win) but that’s OK, because OU still sucks, and here is my acrostic poem proving it.

Outranked academically—UT is 52, OU is 101. I suspect U.S. News and World Report meant 1000000000.

UGLY. Texas is the 14th most attractive state, according to the Daily Beast/the Bible. Oklahoma was 35. That’s not even the top half.

Sooners? What the hell is a sooner?

Tornados per 10,000 square miles—Oklahoma has 6.85.

I Googled “things to do in Norman” and “Visit the National Weather Center!” was ranked second.

Leadership—three Texans have served as U.S. presidents. Zero Oklahomans.

Lack of diversity. Norman’s population is 76 percent white.

Sadness everywhere. According to Gallup, Oklahoma is the 9th saddest state.

Understand that Oklahomans invented the parking meter, and Texans invented the frozen margarita.

Can we just talk about how the Oklahoma state song starts with “Brand new state! Brand new state, gonna treat you great! Gonna give you barley, carrots and pertaters”

Keep in mind that the official record is still 59-43-5 with Texas in the lead.

STILL NOT SURE WHAT A SOONER IS, Y’ALL, BUT I’D SOONER BE DEAD THAN BE ONE.

We might not win tomorrow, but at least we’re not going home to Oklahoma. That being said, please don’t live tweet the game. It’s annoying; you’re annoying, amen.

Reposted from Austinist.

athrasher/Flickr

As an Austin resident, it’s literally impossible to ignore the music-festival hype, including this weekend’s ACL. But as a perpetual intern, it’s equally impossible to finance said music festivals and honestly, I’d really rather spend my money on Taco Deli anyway. The following is a limerick about my stance on Austin City Limits. It is partially driven by bitterness, obviously, but I still mostly mean the line about weird facial hairs.

ACL, what’s your big deal?

To afford you, I’d have to lie, cheat and steal. 

American revolutionary-style beards,

So many mumbled lyrics too-strongly revered,

To be honest, you’re just an ordeal.

This weekend, I’ll eat candy and sleep in instead

The thought of the traffic fills me with dread

Far too many tourists in denim and vests

Crowding my timelines like social media pests

We get it, you’re hip, enough said.

Reposted from Austinist.